After The Dungeonmaster gave his opening speech, and the Fighters Mighty (a human warrior versus a fairy? What's fair about that match-up?) concluded, the announcer (our new Ghod) spoke thusly:
In the Mountain Kingdom of TURIN, mercy is thought to be for the weak. KING BALDRED rules with an iron fist. However, this is more of a reflection of the harsh conditions they must live in, rather than because he is a tyrant. He does have a soft spot for his youngest, sweetest daughter, LATAWNYA. She is to marry DUKE HAMMOND in two days time, and BALDRED, sparing no expenses for the ceremony. Emissaries from all of the neighboring kingdoms have been invited. All of the kingdoms, that is, besides the GREEN GOBLIN TRIBE...
The first scene opens with a rather large baby (BABY B) sitting on a blanket on the floor, playing with his rattle. Shouting is heard offstage to the rear. Following this, enters CELESTE, his sister, who is upset that she won't be able to attend the wedding feast of LATAWNYA because she has to babysit BABY B. She rants a bit in a teen snit, and then begins shouting at BABY B who responds in garbled baby talk. (Classic line from CELESTE to BABY B: "You're 36 years old!") Fans of Labyrinth will, of course, recognize what comes next...CELESTE shouts "I wish the goblins would come and take you away, right now!" Immediately, the room is invaded by a number of nasty, icky GREEN GOBLINS, who drag the rather large baby away...
The next scene is a courtroom in TURIN, with judge GRAHAM, the BAILIFF, FALVAR who is the public defender, the PROSECUTOR, and a GUARD. A horse thief, DOTH, is brought to the judge, and he's told that stealing horses, since a few weeks before, leads to a sentence of death! His defense that he didn't know the penalty at the time is met with indifference, and so he attempts to fight his way clear, but is killed by the GUARD. The body is then dragged away offstage, and the party is called up, one by one, disarmed, and accused. After incarcerating them in a corner of the stage under GUARD, GRAHAM announces their good luck. Instead of the standard penalties for their crimes, in honor of LATAWNYA's wedding week, all prisoners may pay their debts to society with community service. The scene ends as the GUARD takes them to the Hearing Chamber.
(Herein I admit to my failings as a chronicler: I didn't take notes about the names of the characters. There was a Modern Necromancer, an Italian Necromancer, a Rakshasa, a Knight in Shining Armor, an Assassin of Love, and a Bearded Lady. Those of you who played, or those who recall the names, please append them to the comments!)
In this scene we see KING BALDRIC and LATAWNYA discussing the impending wedding festivities. The KING is interrupted by business, when the GUARD brings in the prisoners. A variety of requests for personnel for community service are entertained until CHASER, a captain of the KING'S RANGERS steps forward with CELESTE, and he asks for the prisoners as a party to retrieve this poor girl's brother from the evil GREEN GOBLINS. The KING agrees, COMPULSORY COLLARS (which only fit the necks of a couple of them, leading to compulsory wristbands, and compulsory lapel pins) are put in place, CHAK, the dwarf armorer hands out weapons, and they're off!
The journey begun, we enter a new scene on one of the streets of TURIN. OATHO, the merchant is supported by YIEM, a bass player, who lays down a line of music to support OATHO's patter. Terrific stuff. It's just what the audience waits for... Anyway, the riffs are pretty darn good, and they keep the woodland creatures amused. The party enters, and OATHO overhears their plans, and tries to sell them a magic bottle of whatever they need! He's not initially believed, but after continued trying, while the Knight beat time on his armor, he finally persuaded the Bearded Lady to make an exchange. Trade completed, everyone moves on.
Later on in the next scene, CHASER presses the Bearded Lady to open it up, and in doing so, he releases three FAIRIES: LILY, BELLE and SUNNY, one of whom was in the FIGHTERS MIGHTY scene in the opening sequence. They offer something wonderful if someone can solve a riddle. They take a coin, drop it in the bottle, and put the cork back in, and say:
If you take a bottle, put a coin in the bottle, put a cork in the neck of the bottle, how do you get the coin out, without taking out the cork, breaking the bottle, or using magic?
The Bearded Lady successfully figures this out, but stuffing the cork all the way into the bottle, and retrieving the coin, and in response, she (he?) receives the boon of not being able to be killed this day, though wounded or other problems can occur. Still, not bad...
Next scene: a rope bridge across a raging river. The Italian necromancer is nearly swept away as he steps a little too close to the edge (Ghod missed it...). As the first party member makes his way across (the Bearded Lady), a troll appears, and knocks her into the raging river to be swept away, but not die. A spell was attempted to slay the troll, but it didn't include anything that harms trolls, so it failed. Next in line was the Knight, who did a pretty good job of avoiding blows, considering his encumbrance with the armor and the troll became bored. He admitted that he was hungry, and one of the party threw a spell offering up meat in a pile for the troll. Unsatisfied, the troll demanding blood to drink. In response, the river was turned into a river of blood, to the shock of the fishes, I'm sure. The troll, mollified, allowed the party, minus one, to pass.
In the next scene, the party encounters a royal procession of dwarves, led by KING MOROR, on his way to the wedding. The KING was unhappy, as his son BORBIR was supposed to wed LATAWNYA, but she threw him over for love, rather than alliance. In addition, the procession had been raided by GOBLINS, and the raiders had run off with the HOLY CIRCLET OF MEH REEO. It was to have been their wedding present, and of course arriving without one would lead to an international incident. They party tries a few spells, and finally, a wish works, bringing the CIRCLET back to the procession. At this point, BORBIR falls in love with the Rakshasa, and makes a big deal about how he'd had a pet cat who was now deceased...the party throw a spell to raise the cat from the dead, back in BORBIR's home, which only satisfies him a little bit. One of the dwarven sages tells the party about an item called the ICESHARD, but is able to tell them little about it, and the two groups part.
In the next scene, as the party enters, CHASER hears goblins approaching, and he has the party hide. Two rangers of the goblin tribe enter, one with a box. They whine and complain to each other for a short time, and then the party attacks, driving off one, and the other surrenders immediately. The box is abandoned by the goblin. In babbling about how his life is forfeit, the goblin states that the leader of the goblin tribe is a nilbog, not a goblin, and is much more powerful. When he hears that the party intends to enter the goblin tribe's caverns, he offers to help them by telling them how to pass themselves off as goblins. They learn now to walk as goblins, count as goblins, and then he rubs up against them so that they smell like goblins, as he's just refreshed himself with goblin cologne: camel snot. They throw a spell to modify their appearance as well, and they carry on. Before they leave, though, they open the box, and discover a healing potion, without a trap to harm them.
At the entrance to the goblin cave, the ranger arrives to give warning, and the several goblin guards prepare themselves. Unexpectedly, they are soon faced with another goblin group (the party in disguise). These goblins walk like them, and count like them, and they smell really good to the goblin guards. They just don't talk like them. However, after a few suspicious moments, they are passed through the gates.
Once they enter the caves, the spell of disguise ends, and they once again appear in their normal form. They still smell, though. A goblin child sees them, screams, and runs offstage to warn everyone. The party pursues.
In the nilbog's chamber, a group of goblins are making suggestions as to what to do with BABY B, who is in the nilbog's clutches. The nilbog talks about making BABY B into a goblin, when the party arrives. Combat ensues, with goblins dying and popping up from unexpected directions repeatedly. Characters took wound after wound, and even the guide, CHASER, dies horribly. Finally, all the goblins were dead, but the nilbog fought on, unwounded, until someone thought of flinging the healing potion on the nilbog. As soon as he died, the COMPULSORY COLLARS fell off, and an earthquake began. Grabbing BABY B, as well as wounded characters, and dragging off all the dead but CHASER, the party escapes.
After the quake ceases, a drow female enters the chamber, raises CHASER from the dead, and takes a tall staff, ICESHARD. She then encants with the item, and gates away...